What Did Edward Say to Bella?
by 0041523
Summary: Emmett tells Edward and Bella a joke, Edward doesn't get it. Rated T for Dirty Humor and one curse word. 1Shot


**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, if I did...Lord have mercy....**

**This one-shot was inspired by my one of my best friend****s****, whose shall remain nameless because I cherish my life.... anyway she knows who she is. I had to alter the joke because.. Then it wouldn't make sense.**

**THIS IS FOR YOU -classified-** **LOVE YAH BITCH!!!**

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What Did Edward Say to Bella?

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_Holy crap monkeys! I have to tell this to Edward and Bella!! _Emmett thought as he bounded down the stairs to find Edward and Bella sitting on the couch as Edward watched Food Network, he needed to learn how to cook.

He stopped right in front of the two with a very goofy smile on his face. Edward arched an eyebrow, looking at his favorite brother funny. Bella just smiled at him.

"Hey Emmett," she said. Emmett was like the big brother she never had, only more deadly.

"And what exactly do you have to tell us Em?" Edward asked his bear of a brother skeptically.

"I read this awesome joke online and you have to hear it!" Emmett said, beaming at the couple.

"Oh god," Edward muttered under his breath.

"Hey you haven't even heard the joke yet so don't be a prick and I'm sure Bella would like to hear!"

"Er, okay" She answered more like a question, silently wondering about Edward's reaction.

"Okay but, I had to change it from the original to make it an Emmett Original!" Emmett said sitting in between the two. He really was a little kid trapped in a grown mans body.

Rosalie was up in Emmett and her room, pretending as if Bella did not exist, as usual.

Carlisle was at the hospital, Esme was painting, and Alice had dragged Jasper off to the grocery store, to get some human food for human Bella.

Edward rolled is eyes. Bella just looked at him funny.

"Okay so on with it then! What did Edward say to Bella?" he asked in a sing-song voice.

He was careful to block his thoughts with random math equations, so Edward wouldn't cheat.

"I don't know Emmett, what did I say to Bella?" Edward asked sarcastically.

"Did I or did I not ask you to not be a prick? Well I hate to inform you but you are indeed being prick, SO STOP!" Emmett all but yelled, secretly making plans to tackle him after Bella left.

"Edward don't be mean" Bella said softly.

"See Bella takes MY side!!"

"Will you just tell us the punch line already?" Edward said exasperated.

"Alright alright, so anyway What did Edward say to Bella?" Emmett asked again.

"I don't know Emmett, what?" Bella said in false interest.

"I'll see you next month!" he said happily.

"Oh god Emmett, ew! that is absolutely disgusting!" Bella said disgusted, flushing red and laughing all at the same time.

"Ew Emmett, that's gross!" Alice said giggling, as she bounded through the door, put the groceries in the kitchen and sat on the floor in front of Edward, Bella and Emmett, all under 10 seconds might I add.

Jasper just shook his head, smiled at Bella then walked upstairs.

"I know but its funny!" Emmett said laughing his booming laugh. Alice, Bella and Emmett were all laughing. Edward wasn't

"Eh?" he asked, genuinely confused.

Emmett stopped laughing, looked at Edward dumbfounded, and started laughing all over again. As did Alice and Bella, who was turning red in the face.

"Jasper!" Alice called through her giggles. Jasper came down in a flash.

"Er, yes?" he asked looking at the sight before him, which included a laughing Bella leaning on Emmett for support, a laughing Emmett who looked like he could be crying if possible, a giggling Alice on the floor, and a pissed off Edward.

"Help!" she managed to choke out.

Jasper quickly sent out a wave of calm, effectively calming the psychopaths in the room, and sat down on the piano bench.

"Well?" Edward asked slightly annoyed. Emmett looked at him again, dumbfounded but he didn't start laughing his ass off.

"Wait, you were serious?" Emmett asked.

Edward just glared, clearly not understanding.

"C'mon Edward, think about it." Bella coaxed.

Alice just started nodding her head with a smile on her face. Jasper smirked, while Emmett waited for Edward to make his epiphany.

_Come on, Edward! How old are you!? 100 and stupid years old, THINK ABOUT IT, What do you say to Bella, see you next MONTH! _Alice practically screamed in Edward's head.

Edward repeated the joke over and over in his head. He had nothing.

"I have nothing" he voiced his thoughts.

Bella bit her lip to keep from laughing, Emmett did start laughing and Alice just started at Edward dumbfounded.. Jasper shook his head again and went back upstairs, again.

Emmett did eventually sober up enough. Bella was sure she had permanent bite marks engraved in her bottom lip. Alice just waited for Emmett to open his mouth and start babbling.

"Well?" Edward asked again, everything but giddy about this joke he didn't understand.

"Bella is a human girl Eddie, what happens to HUMAN girls once a month?" Emmett asked, as if he was attempting telling a five year-old where babies came from.

"They menstruate..." Edward said staring at Emmett. Bella flushed red.

Emmett looked at Edward expectantly. He sighed and tried again.

"So they bleed Edward, you a vampire that drinks BLOOD!"

They all looked at Edward, who finally saw the light.

"That is utterly disgusting Emmett," Edward said , with a pure look of disgust on his face. They all started laughing again, but Bella was sober enough to ask;

"But, doesn't that blood bother you?" she asked, effectively flushing a whole new shade of red, you could call it a cross between blood and Rosalie's lipstick.

Alice and Emmett stopped laughing and looked at Edward.

"Well, erm, no, it's more like uh, dead blood?" It came out like a question, which sent Alice, Emmett and Bella into a whole new fit of laughter.

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